My Breastfeeding Trials - Part I

As I have mentioned before, Gabriel grew very slowly in his first few months of life. This is a fact that is linked to my inability to produce an adequate milk supply for him. I wanted to write about my breastfeeding problem as it happened, but new parenthood, stress, and worries over the issue itself prevented me from doing so. Now, however, I wish to write about it so that it will be out there to help other women who may find themselves in the same situation in which I found myself.

I will start from the beginning. Gabriel was born a normal, healthy, baby boy on August 3, 2007. He weighed in at seven pounds and eleven ounces. He nursed within a half hour after his birth. I met with a lactation consultant, as well as supportive nurses, before leaving the hospital. The first few days of breastfeeding were difficult, but based on what I know about the breastfeeding experiences of other first-time mothers, I do not think that there was anything extraordinarily different about our case. I nursed Gabriel constantly, never going more than two hours between feedings except at night. He received no supplementation, no bottles, no pacifiers, etc. in order to avoid any sort of nipple confusion, supply issue, or other breastfeeding problem.

Gabriel's weight fell to seven pounds at the lowest. At a week-old, Gabriel was declared "healthy and thriving" by the doctor that we took him to. I diligently kept records of his diaper activity for the first month, he was slightly behind at times, but the doctors were never concerned about it. At three weeks old, Gabriel weighed only seven pounds, eight ounces. He was not yet back up to his birth weight. Since I was committed to breastfeeding, and Gabriel was otherwise healthy, his doctor saw no reason for any real concern and I continued with constant breastfeeding. At his next check up when he was about seven weeks old, Gabriel weighed only eight pounds. He was averaging growth of only two ounces per week, rather than the at least four ounces that is preferred. Since everything was well otherwise, Gabriel and I continued breastfeeding exclusively.

I took Gabriel to the doctor several times over the next couple of months. In an attempt to produce more and/or richer milk, I drank mother's milk tea, used a fennel oil rub, and took other herbs that are known to assist in lactation. I also began pumping whenever Gabriel slept while continuing to nurse him constantly. He continued to grow slowly during this time. At three months old, Gabriel weighed in at only one pound over his birth weight, though he continued to be healthy and normal otherwise.

Around bedtime on November 13, 2007, at approximately three and a half months old, Gabriel made it clear that he was hungry. Gabriel was very frustrated at the breast and crying inconsolably, I offered him 2 oz. of formula, he drank 1 oz. and turned into a happy baby again. I did not like giving him the formula, but I felt terrible that he had been crying in hunger. Stressed and crying, I prepared two ounces of formula. He drank one ounce, was instantly happy, and went to sleep easily. I hoped and prayed that formula supplementation would not become a regular part of his diet. My hope was not to be so, however. The next afternoon, Gabriel repeated his hungry baby routine. I knew that, once again, I was out of milk and he was still hungry. This time, he drank down the entire two ounces of formula. I remember feeling awful for making him fuss for so long before giving him the formula, because he settled back into a happy, satisfied baby after drinking the formula.

Following that second formula feeding, I had a minor "break down" of sorts. When I was pregnant I studied breastfeeding, we even took a breastfeeding class at the hospital with a lactation consultant. I was prepared, on some level, for the common breastfeeding set-backs. Since I had read that 95% of women can breastfeed exclusively with few or no problems, I did not consider that I would have any real problem with breastfeeding Gabriel. In fact, I had made a commitment that I would breastfeed exclusively for at least six months, and keep nursing until Gabriel no longer wanted to - which would probably be at least two years. Since formula is somewhat controversial, I really wanted to stay away from it if at all possible. In sum, I had set myself up for a difficult time mentally and emotionally. Eventually, I came to grips with the fact that whatever is necessary to have a happy, healthy baby is an acceptable path when it comes to food - whether "ideal" or not.

Next: My Breastfeeding Trials - Part II, which will bring the story up to present day.

Five Months with Gabriel

As of last Thursday, Gabriel is five months old. It is hard to believe that in less than a month it will have been a half year since he was born, and life as we knew it changed forever, for the better. Time passes so quickly.

Gabriel laughs and gives kisses now. He makes attempts at crawling, and is learning to sit up on his own. Popular opinion holds that he is teething now, and based on the fact that I got my first tooth at five months, it is a possibility. Gabriel has been labeled "fun" officially now. Once again, we think that we are looking at the "best" month yet.

Gabriel continues to grow at rapid speed: he was thirteen pounds and eight ounces on Thursday at his check-up. That means that he gained over three pounds in the last month. A couple of months ago, when Gabriel's already slow weight gain seemed to be tapering off, everyone was hoping and praying for his growth (I plan to write more on this topic when I find the time to do so). Now he is beginning to remind me of Clifford the Big Red Dog, in which Emily Elizabeth prays for Clifford to grow, because he is "too small," then Clifford grows into the biggest dog ever, and Emily Elizabeth eventually tells him that he is big enough and that he can stop growing. We are not about to tell Gabriel to stop growing, but we have told him that he is catching up nicely and that we would not mind if he would slow down on his growth a bit. Even J.R. and I can recognize that he is growing, and we can no longer really call him a "little" baby.

Let me illustrate:


Four months












Five months

We are a little biased, but we think that he is getting more cute and sweet with every day that passes.

My New Year's Eve "Party"

J.R. and I rang in the new year together at home while Gabriel slept. Our evening was not so different from others: Chinese take out, piña coladas, watching Scrubs, and tuning in for the last four minutes to watch the ball drop. We turned in shortly after midnight. We may have been inclined to stay up later, but we were tired, and Gabriel is not about to sleep in just because his parents decided to stay up later than they probably ought to. It was a simple night, quite unlike the last several years, in which I have stayed up late at New Year's Eve parties. Yet, the night was perfectly acceptable and appropriate. In fact, J.R. and I both enjoyed ourselves a lot.

As any parent knows, life as parents is different than life before having children. Different, however, is not equivalent to "bad," "cramping my style," or any similar sentiment. In my case, life as a parent has proven "infinitely better," and "enriching," among several other positive differences. I would not trade our current situation, blessed as we are as parents, for anything, be it more money, more free time, or any other objective good. Life as a parent is both objectively and subjectively better in my case. I thank God for blessing us with a child, and making us a family, early in our married life. As we have learned firsthand, there is no comparison between the joys of parenthood and the fun to be had at parties.