My Breastfeeding Trials - Part I

As I have mentioned before, Gabriel grew very slowly in his first few months of life. This is a fact that is linked to my inability to produce an adequate milk supply for him. I wanted to write about my breastfeeding problem as it happened, but new parenthood, stress, and worries over the issue itself prevented me from doing so. Now, however, I wish to write about it so that it will be out there to help other women who may find themselves in the same situation in which I found myself.

I will start from the beginning. Gabriel was born a normal, healthy, baby boy on August 3, 2007. He weighed in at seven pounds and eleven ounces. He nursed within a half hour after his birth. I met with a lactation consultant, as well as supportive nurses, before leaving the hospital. The first few days of breastfeeding were difficult, but based on what I know about the breastfeeding experiences of other first-time mothers, I do not think that there was anything extraordinarily different about our case. I nursed Gabriel constantly, never going more than two hours between feedings except at night. He received no supplementation, no bottles, no pacifiers, etc. in order to avoid any sort of nipple confusion, supply issue, or other breastfeeding problem.

Gabriel's weight fell to seven pounds at the lowest. At a week-old, Gabriel was declared "healthy and thriving" by the doctor that we took him to. I diligently kept records of his diaper activity for the first month, he was slightly behind at times, but the doctors were never concerned about it. At three weeks old, Gabriel weighed only seven pounds, eight ounces. He was not yet back up to his birth weight. Since I was committed to breastfeeding, and Gabriel was otherwise healthy, his doctor saw no reason for any real concern and I continued with constant breastfeeding. At his next check up when he was about seven weeks old, Gabriel weighed only eight pounds. He was averaging growth of only two ounces per week, rather than the at least four ounces that is preferred. Since everything was well otherwise, Gabriel and I continued breastfeeding exclusively.

I took Gabriel to the doctor several times over the next couple of months. In an attempt to produce more and/or richer milk, I drank mother's milk tea, used a fennel oil rub, and took other herbs that are known to assist in lactation. I also began pumping whenever Gabriel slept while continuing to nurse him constantly. He continued to grow slowly during this time. At three months old, Gabriel weighed in at only one pound over his birth weight, though he continued to be healthy and normal otherwise.

Around bedtime on November 13, 2007, at approximately three and a half months old, Gabriel made it clear that he was hungry. Gabriel was very frustrated at the breast and crying inconsolably, I offered him 2 oz. of formula, he drank 1 oz. and turned into a happy baby again. I did not like giving him the formula, but I felt terrible that he had been crying in hunger. Stressed and crying, I prepared two ounces of formula. He drank one ounce, was instantly happy, and went to sleep easily. I hoped and prayed that formula supplementation would not become a regular part of his diet. My hope was not to be so, however. The next afternoon, Gabriel repeated his hungry baby routine. I knew that, once again, I was out of milk and he was still hungry. This time, he drank down the entire two ounces of formula. I remember feeling awful for making him fuss for so long before giving him the formula, because he settled back into a happy, satisfied baby after drinking the formula.

Following that second formula feeding, I had a minor "break down" of sorts. When I was pregnant I studied breastfeeding, we even took a breastfeeding class at the hospital with a lactation consultant. I was prepared, on some level, for the common breastfeeding set-backs. Since I had read that 95% of women can breastfeed exclusively with few or no problems, I did not consider that I would have any real problem with breastfeeding Gabriel. In fact, I had made a commitment that I would breastfeed exclusively for at least six months, and keep nursing until Gabriel no longer wanted to - which would probably be at least two years. Since formula is somewhat controversial, I really wanted to stay away from it if at all possible. In sum, I had set myself up for a difficult time mentally and emotionally. Eventually, I came to grips with the fact that whatever is necessary to have a happy, healthy baby is an acceptable path when it comes to food - whether "ideal" or not.

Next: My Breastfeeding Trials - Part II, which will bring the story up to present day.

Five Months with Gabriel

As of last Thursday, Gabriel is five months old. It is hard to believe that in less than a month it will have been a half year since he was born, and life as we knew it changed forever, for the better. Time passes so quickly.

Gabriel laughs and gives kisses now. He makes attempts at crawling, and is learning to sit up on his own. Popular opinion holds that he is teething now, and based on the fact that I got my first tooth at five months, it is a possibility. Gabriel has been labeled "fun" officially now. Once again, we think that we are looking at the "best" month yet.

Gabriel continues to grow at rapid speed: he was thirteen pounds and eight ounces on Thursday at his check-up. That means that he gained over three pounds in the last month. A couple of months ago, when Gabriel's already slow weight gain seemed to be tapering off, everyone was hoping and praying for his growth (I plan to write more on this topic when I find the time to do so). Now he is beginning to remind me of Clifford the Big Red Dog, in which Emily Elizabeth prays for Clifford to grow, because he is "too small," then Clifford grows into the biggest dog ever, and Emily Elizabeth eventually tells him that he is big enough and that he can stop growing. We are not about to tell Gabriel to stop growing, but we have told him that he is catching up nicely and that we would not mind if he would slow down on his growth a bit. Even J.R. and I can recognize that he is growing, and we can no longer really call him a "little" baby.

Let me illustrate:


Four months












Five months

We are a little biased, but we think that he is getting more cute and sweet with every day that passes.

My New Year's Eve "Party"

J.R. and I rang in the new year together at home while Gabriel slept. Our evening was not so different from others: Chinese take out, piña coladas, watching Scrubs, and tuning in for the last four minutes to watch the ball drop. We turned in shortly after midnight. We may have been inclined to stay up later, but we were tired, and Gabriel is not about to sleep in just because his parents decided to stay up later than they probably ought to. It was a simple night, quite unlike the last several years, in which I have stayed up late at New Year's Eve parties. Yet, the night was perfectly acceptable and appropriate. In fact, J.R. and I both enjoyed ourselves a lot.

As any parent knows, life as parents is different than life before having children. Different, however, is not equivalent to "bad," "cramping my style," or any similar sentiment. In my case, life as a parent has proven "infinitely better," and "enriching," among several other positive differences. I would not trade our current situation, blessed as we are as parents, for anything, be it more money, more free time, or any other objective good. Life as a parent is both objectively and subjectively better in my case. I thank God for blessing us with a child, and making us a family, early in our married life. As we have learned firsthand, there is no comparison between the joys of parenthood and the fun to be had at parties.

My Baby's First Christmas

Our second Christmas as a married couple has been both enjoyable and full of blessings. We have each other, Gabriel, our families, our friends, our health - and we are not wanting for any item that we ought to have, while we have many things that we do not really need.

J.R. has been feeling a little under the weather lately, so that put a bit of a damper on our Christmas celebrations - but we had a splendid time still. We spent Christmas Eve together at home, it was different (I cannot remember going to a Christmas day mass ever), but immensely enjoyable. We went to mass together as a family on Christmas day, and though it interferred with Gabriel's nap schedule, he was a rather delightful baby for the most part. After mass we opened gifts at home, and in the afternoon we visited each of our respective families. It was different, as neither of our families were able to gather all members: my brother had to work on Christmas day, and J.R.'s sister and her family moved to North Carolina over the past year. Hopefully next year everyone will be able to spend time together for Christmas - it just did not feel "right" to not have all of the family together.

As for Gabriel, he had a splendid Christmas, complete with spoiling from his grandparents, aunts, and uncles. The day itself was a bit much for him with all of the activities in which we partook, but he took a few shortened naps and acted like the sweet little boy that he is.


Gabriel enjoyed his first Christmas, and he continues to enjoy his peacock.

Four Months with Gabriel

Gabriel as a three month old turned out to be exactly as I predicted: the "best" month yet. Now that he is four months old, I think that this is the way that life with Gabriel is going to continue.



Gabriel has gained a couple of pounds since I last updated on his growth: he was ten pounds, four ounces at his appointment on Tuesday. He is on the small side still, but growing like a weed. On November 15 Gabriel surprised himself by rolling over for the first time (back-to-tummy). Gabriel had not been a big fan of tummy time until the last few weeks, though he appeared to be spending the majority of tummy time attempting to roll over to his back so that he would not have to be on his tummy any longer. On November 25 Gabriel rolled over, this time in the presence of both J.R. and me, from his tummy to his back for the first time. Since that time, he has pretty much mastered the skill of tummy-to-back rolling, though he has yet to repeat his back-to-tummy roll.


Naps are becoming both easier and more elusive at the same time. Gabriel has gotten better about taking a nap when he is tired, whether we be out or at home. If, however, he takes only a half hour nap, however insufficient it may be, any attempt at getting him to nap further will most likely be futile. I am not very concerned about it, since all three of us are doing well with the current situation for the time being.


In sum, life with Gabriel is joyful. He smiles. He almost giggles. He plays. We love him immensely. Honestly, what would life be without the beauty and blessing of children?

A Fall "Trip"

On the Saturday prior to Thanksgiving J.R.'s maternal grandfather passed away. His grandfather had been battling cancer as well as diabetes, so his death did not come as a surprise. It has been kind of hard on J.R., however. The last time that J.R. saw his grandfather was at our wedding, nearly one and a half years ago, and we had planned on making the trek to North Carolina for a visit over Thanksgiving. The news came that the funeral was planned for the Monday before Thanksgiving, so less than twenty-four hours after learning that his grandfather had passed away, J.R. and I had packed up Gabriel and our assorted necessities for travel and were on our way. The drive to the small town where much of J.R.'s extended family lives is approximately twelve hours on a good day, assuming all goes well. We made it to West Virginia our first day, approximately eleven hours after we had left home. The following morning we got up, left, and rolled into extremely southern North Carolina shortly before the funeral began in the afternoon. Gabriel was happy to let anyone hold him for the remainder of our visit in NC, J.R. and I reasoned that this was probably due to his having spent a day and a half in the carseat and just being happy to not be confined to it any longer.

Although the drive down went splendidly (taking into consideration the fact that a three and a half month old was on it), the return trip did not go so well. We began our return on Tuesday afternoon, after having visited with J.R.'s sister, who lives in NC, as well as his parents and brother. By the time we reached home on Thanksgiving at around 3:00 in the afternoon, Gabriel had been in "melt down" mode for about a half hour. The moment that we got in the door and I pulled him out of his carseat, however, was a glorious time for him: the crying ceased immediately and he gazed around, with what I presume was immense joy, upon seeing that he was home again.

Of course, the entire trip was not all spent in the car. We visited King's Mountain National Military Park as well as the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. The weather included seventy degree days. The trees in the south were in full fall color, making the Appalacian Mountains look exactly like the photographs on postcards. In short, I became a fan of the area. Last February was the first time that I had seen the Appalacians when J.R. and I passed through them on our winter break, and I will admit that I was unimpressed for the most part. I had been spoiled in my past experience with mountains, we went to Glacier National Park for our honeymoon, and the Rocky Mountains as seen on the Going-to-the-Sun Road are the greatest display of the beauty of nature that I have ever beheld.

Without further ado, a few photos from our trip "down South:"

No wonder I think that the Appalacians are beautiful as well now, eh?

Three Months

Gabriel is now three months old, and I have to admit: this month looks like it will be the best yet. Gabriel has become interested in toys, or anything within his line of vision, now. Naps have improved. We have been able to stay out longer during the day without suffering a massive break down on Gabriel's end. He does better when people other than his parents hold him.

My biggest problem lately has been trying to reset Gabriel's little internal clock to match up with daylight savings time's end. Keeping him up later at night has not worked so far, though when he starts his day by 6:00 am and clearly is ready for bed I cannot bring myself to keep him awake later than he wants to be. I will not complain about such a small thing, however, daylight savings will be back on in early March - a mere four months away. Honestly, morning is my favorite part of the day, so Gabriel helps keep me from missing much of it by sleeping in.

In closing, a photo of the cutest little leopard on Halloween:

The Long-awaited Photo Post

First day home from the hospital with Mommy






Peaceful little sleeper - J.R. and I think that he looked like a glow worm in his swaddleme





One month old






A sample of his big smiles






Two months old and loving every minute of it

Worse...then Better

The third month of motherhood began rather difficultly. I had a bout with the early stages of mastitis during the first week. It was terrible to deal with, particularly as the primary caretaker of a newborn when I was so physically exhausted that I just wanted to rest. I hope that my personal experience with mastitis never gets any worse than what I have experienced to this point in my life.

Gabriel was congested still when the month began, thus his sleep was not as good as it could have been. After reviewing my books on baby sleep, I convinced myself that I was teaching Gabriel all sorts of bad habits. This bothered me immensely, but with sleep having become such a precious commodity, I decided that we were just going to sleep any way that we could. Then I read what Moxie has to say about babies and sleep, and felt better about how I was doing things. Miraculously, (or possibly not, since Moxie said that it would happen) Gabriel's congested nose, and the time in which he was most likely going through a sleep regression, passed, and the sleep got better without me doing a thing about it. Gabriel decided that going for a walk is a good way to relax and fall asleep. When he nurses to sleep, he often nurses until he is almost asleep, detaches himself, and finishes falling asleep. I still sleep only a few hours at a time, but I find the current situation rather bearable. Now if we just finish getting naps ironed out, things would be running fairly smoothly.

Motherhood: Two Month Update

So, two months in and I realize first-hand that things can be "one step forward, two steps back" in terms of raising a child.

There have been several nights that were awful. I blame the sleep issues, at least in part, on Gabriel's congested nose, which makes its presence known at night particularly. There have been a few nights in which it took about three hours to get Gabriel to sleep. There have been nights in which he was waking up every hour or so. Such nights are hard. Now I understand myself, from experience, the lamentations of parents in regards to their baby's sleep habits. Since things seem to be getting better now though, it has been easier for me to keep in mind that these nights of poor sleep for all are really just a short phase in life.

Being Gabriel's mother is not without repercussions on my own body: I have developed tendonitis in my left hand and wrist, most likely related to the fact that I am right-handed and my poor left hand has had to step up to the plate and work to care for Gabriel after nearly twenty-four years of little activity. So, I have been sentenced to physical therapy and wearing a brace for the next couple of weeks in an effort to reduce my discomfort. Pain aside, the worst part of the whole scenario is that the brace does such a good job stabilizing my hand and wrist that caring for Gabriel has been complicated.

On a more positive note, I really, really like Gabriel's doctor. Her manner with Gabriel is much more agreeable and that of the doctors at the other clinic I took him to in his first week of life: I get to hold him while she examines him, which is easier on both Gabriel and I as it reduces his discomfort (aka crying). She specializes in "alternative medicine," while still working with traditional medicine: meaning that although at his seven-week visit, Gabriel weighed in at eight pounds, a mere five ounces above his birth weight, she suggested that I supplement my diet rather than supplement Gabriel with formula (all without making me feel like a terrible mother). Also, I have felt zero pressure or disapproval from her based on J.R.'s and my decision not to have Gabriel receive immunizations at this time; rather, she supports our decision.

In closing, I wanted to post some photographs of Gabriel, however, J.R. has yet to convert the files or teach me to do so, thus internet viewing of them must wait. J.R. is busy working, often tired, and dealing with allergies right now, so I wait (somewhat) patiently - but I would like to show off pictures of our growing baby still. Especially the adorable photos of him smiling, the cutest milestone yet.

One Month of Life with Gabriel

After having completed one month with Gabriel, I am feeling semi-confident about motherhood. Gabriel is growing (though still wearing newborn attire), he is sleeping about as well (at least at night) as the mother of a newborn can hope for, and he reached the developmental milestone of lifting up his head and looking around at less than a week old. We are starting to manage a schedule, and I can manage short errand-running trips without feeling overwhelmed completely.

I credit my ability to feel like I actually accomplish things (albeit not much) most days to two basic reasons:
1. Gabriel is just plain a "good" baby. Sure, he gets fussy when he is hungry or tired (don't we all to some degree?), but he has had a natural tendency to get most of his sleep in during the night since the beginning with short wakings for the most part. He does not usually get much sleep in during the day (and as I result many people, including J.R., perceive him as a rather fussy baby boy), but he and I are getting much better about making sure that he gets more sleep during daylight hours.
2. My reading of The No-Cry Sleep Solution and Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Obviously, I have not had a chance to apply many principles from these books yet, but both have provided me with valuable insight already.

Again, I would really like to include some photos of Gabriel, but I am waiting on J.R. to convert the files still.

Gabriel's Baptism

Gabriel is now the newest, smallest Christian that I know. He was baptized on Sunday, August 19. I think that he was the best-smelling baby in the world for a couple of days with the lovely scent of holy chrism on his forehead.

The readings on the day of the baptism were particularly appropriate for the occasion, though I do not have the time to write a reflection on them now. I think that it suffices to state that J.R. and I have taken on an enormous responsibility (and privilege) in agreeing to raise our child in the faith, and that we also accepted, on Gabriel's behalf, that he would come to know, love, and serve God.

I wanted to post some photographs from the baptism here, and I hope to accomplish the task one day. Since J.R. insists on taking all digital photos in the raw now, however, and Blogger does not allow raw photographs to be uploaded (and I have neither the time, nor the know-how to convert the photos), uploading the aforementioned photos will have to wait.

Two Weeks of Motherhood

After having completed two weeks of motherhood, I feel that things are going relatively well. Sure, I have had my fair share of difficulties in the past two weeks. Although I have heard of many persons having difficulty breastfeeding, I naively thought that I would not face the same issues. I have never been apprehensive over visiting the doctor myself, but the doctor mentioning a potential concern, "to keep an eye on," related to Gabriel and I faced an anxiety that I have never known. Then, of course, my house stands in dissaray currently and my schedule has been shifted around substantially - but these were issues that I expected to face. Overall, I would have to say that the second week has gone much smoother than the first.

I am pretty happy with the sleep situation as it stands. Gabriel will sleep in about two three-hour (possibly longer) blocks during the night (allowing me to function better during the day), and take a couple of naps during the day. I know better than to plan on him sleeping like this always, but I am going to enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

Gabriel and I have not only survived, but done quite well with J.R. going to work the last two days. We even managed to break out the stroller and go for a walk today. Gabriel seemed to enjoy our little stroll, and I enjoyed spending the half-hour or so outside.

Gabriel is napping now, and as I would like more to show for his nap than my own shorter nap, lunch, and a blog post, I must bring this entry to a close.

Photograph of Gabriel

For now, here is a picture of our baby boy:



More to come, adjusting to motherhood is keeping me really, really busy!

Gabriel James

Gabriel James arrived at 4:40 am on Friday, August 3, 2007. He weighed in at seven pounds and eleven ounces, and measured twenty inches in length. Both Gabriel and I are doing well and have arrived home. I will update again with more details when I have time.

Thank you to everyone for their prayers and well wishes!